Skittles: I'm scary/ intimidating/ *insert any word that means too intense and frightening*

I get this a lot. People don't talk to me because I'm hard to approach. I give off the air of confidence. I have a lot of energy. My vibe is intense. I'm also black. I'm queer though I think I read cis het. I'm smart and it is hard not to hear that or see that. I demand a level of respect because I know my worth. I will not be talked to any type of way. This has been a benefit most of my life. I'm not harassed on the street. People don't talk to me unless I want them to. I choose who I'm around, nobody decides this for me. It works in my favor in almost every aspect of my life accept for my personal life. It is hard for me to make friends, and hard to have romantic relationships. Vendetta is afriad of me. Not because I've done anything to her but just because of how she sees me. That hurts. I'm so much more than meets the eye. Outside of my social security bubble I strink. I am a wall flower in a room of strangers. I know nobody dares to approach me. I don't know how to engage with people I don't know without having the ability to run back to my safe bubble. I'm super sensitive. If you're important to me your opinion matters to me. Thier words/ actions or lack there of carry a ton of weight. The more I trust someone the more they are able to hurt me. Vendetta doesn't see the fear, hurt, pain, vulnerability, anxiety, and isolation. She sees what almost everyone else sees, this superhuman/ devin deity. I am capable of everything and anything. I'm impervious to her. I don't have a kryptonite. I want her to see me as human. I make mistakes, I get hurt, I get scared, and I have no clue what I'm doing 90% of the time. She talks about her other partners as people, well more like lovers. People that she sees herself on the same playing field with, for the most part. (One kinda gets a pedestal for a hot second but then she's a person again). There's a level of comfort there. She's known both of them longer so I get that. Its time. But the constant contrast is here now. I know not to compare but its so hard. I think I just need space from the others. Which sucks because it means I'm going to miss a lot. I'll miss her shows and hanging out in public. However, it won't leave me feeling neglected and less than, which is where I'm at now. It's lonely at the top.