Skit: #METOO

Content warning:
Sex abuse
Rape
Sexual assault
Physical abuse
Mental abuse

October is domestic abuse awareness month. To raise awareness, people who have been abused are posting Me Too on their Facebook, or using the #metoo. If you want to I encourage you to at least post me too on whatever social media platform you use. You don't have to elaborate if you don't want to.  I didn't. I have too many family members connected to my Facebook.

My Facebook is filled with Me Too. Trust me you are not alone. All my close friends have posted a Me Too status. Almost everyone I'm friends with that I've worked with have posted a Me Too status. People I try to see at least once a year are posting. My international friends are posting. All my queer friends have posted. All my non binary, trans, and trans femme  friends have posted Me Too multiple times to give you a since of how often this has happened to them. My disabled friends are posting it multiple times often citing the situations, like encounters with the police or trying to get services. This is all to say domestic abuse can happen to anyone, but some people are more at risk than others.

Less than 1% of domestic abuse gets reported. So the statistics we do have extremely limited. They mostly focus on women, excluding gay, men in general, trans people, and non binary people. But we will deal with what we can find. On average 20 people are abused per minute.  In the U.S. about half of the population (regardless of gender identity) will experience DA (Domestic Abuse) in their lifetime (they break this down by men and women which are both at 48%). Females ages 18-34 generally experience the highest levels of DA according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Globally 1/3 of women have experienced DA accordibg to World Health Organization. According to The Williams Institute bisexuals and lesbians experience more DA  than heterosexuals and gay men. Also according to the Institute 31%-50% of transgender people report experiencing DA in there lifetime. It should also be noted that one study ( I can't remember the name of said study) reports that most trans muders are a direct result of DA. Meaning the people who kill trans people often DA them first.

What is DA also known as intimate partner violence? Wikipedia defines it as: is a pattern of behavior which involves violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. So children that live with their parents or guardians. Two people in a romtantic or sexual relationship that don't live together also counts. Two people who live together that aren't in anything more than a platonic relationship counts. Kink relationship that may or may not live together count. The violence can be physical, mental (extremely controlling is an example), sexual, stalking, and/or emotional (denying love or emotional connection to a child by a care giver is example).

I experienced physical and mental abuse growing up. My mom would beat me beyond a reasonable measure when she thought I was wrong. It could be as small as not doing one homework assignment. She would beat me until it left bruises and welts. She was also very controling of me until I left for college. She even decided which college I was going to attend after I got my acceptance letters. I had no say in the matter. My parents were divorced and lived apart. I never told my dad but he knew because he would see the marks she would leave on my thighs. He never did anything. My step dad lived with my mother, my little brother and I. Sometimes, when things got really out of hand he would step in. Like the time my mom had beat me and I was already starting to bruise. I ran to my room but she followed me. I blockaded my door. She broke the door down, right off of its hinges. Then my step father stepped in. I didn't have a door to my room for 7 years. I finally was allowed to fix it when I came home from college. She didn't really abuse my brother, and when she tried I always stepped in and stop her. I would say it's not his fault its mine. I would say that I took his homework which is why he couldn't do it. Anything to stop her from beating him.

I was raped by different people from the ages of 5-10. Male children victims of sexual assault are 35% more likely to become perpetrators. The jury is still out on females.That is not a justification for what I'm about to say, at about the age of 10, I started to sexually assault my little brother. I would sleep with him at night and while he was sleeping, I would make him touch my parts. I wouldn't touch any of his parts. He began to wet the bed shortly after and nobody knew why. He had trouble sleeping. It really took a toll on him. He never told anyone because he loved me so much and knew what mom what our mom was capable of doing to me. This went on for about two years. So from 5-7 for him. I talked with him about it over the phone yesterday. I explained I was wrong and that I'm sorry. I told him he doesn't have to forgive me ever. I'm not looking for forgivenes. I was old enough to know what I was doing at the time. I'm old enough now that I am taking responsibility for it and that he should hold me 100% accountable. I have always known better but now I do better. I told him he should go to therapy to deal with any trauma I caused. That if his therapist thought it was a good idea I would come to a therapy session with him and he could say whatever he needed to say to me. That I would listen and respect him and do whatever he asked of me that I could do. He said he doesn't remember any of the assault happening. He remembers wetting the bed and me sleeping with him when he had trouble sleeping. But not making him touch me. He said he either doesn't remember because he was a very hard sleeper or because he's blocked it out. He said all he really remembers of that time is how mom abused me and me protecting him. I told him if remembering that time in your life causes you stress and makes you uncomfortable you should still probably go see a therapist. Maybe you'll start to remember, maybe you never will, I just want you to live the happiest life you can live. He said he would go. He said he loved me and that I caused him no pain.

My mom never owned up to the pain she caused me. She never said sorry. She never took responsibility. That's all I wanted from her. Other people never want anything from their abuser. I never want a sorry from my rapist. I want them to learn what raping someone can do to ba person. I want them to become allies to victims, stand up for them, believe them. I want them to not be bystanders and actively stop situations they see. I want them to tell others why it's wrong, and try to prevent someone who would be rapist. I want education from them. But I do not want them to ever contact me. 

I've been on both sides of the abuse. I believe on both sides there is pain. I think that if I could have gotten help for dealing with my own sexual trauma I wouldn't have inflicted it on my brother. The abuser needs help too. I'm not saying the victim has to understand their abusers trauma. The survivor has there own stuff to now process. They can hate their abuser. That is their right. They are allowed to feel anything they want to. They have the right to pursue legal action against their abuser if they want to. However, instead of just sending abusers to jail they should be required to attend therapy while in prison to deal with their trauma. They should get the help they need so they don't go on being abusers.