Skit: Coming out day 2017

I've been dragging my feet about writing a post for coming out day which was October 11. I didn't want to write it not because I don't have anything to say. But if you have as many queer activist friends as I do on Facebook, Tumblr, or Istagram you probably herd it all already. I really don't have a fresh take on what trans, non binary, QPOC, queer disabled, or intersectional feminist groups had to say about it. If you haven't heard what these groups said I will use my own words to try to convey their ideas. I will also offer my own thoughts on coming out day based on where I'm at now with my queer identities.

The groups I mentioned had a few overarching themes when it came to coming out day. 1) Come out if you want to come out when you feel safe to do so. Don't feel like you owe it to anyone to come out. This is your life and your identity. You should do it when you want to and when you believe you won't be putting yourself at risk for inescapable violence (physical, mental, or emotional).

2) You never have to come out if you don't want to. You can live your life as queerly as you see fit. You don't owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to live your life. Straight people never come out as straight, cisgender never come out. They just live their life and you can too.

3) The idea of coming out of the closet is kind of misleading and classiest. It implies we were living a lie in our closet in our homes. We were never lying, we were discovering ourselves. We don't have to share our personal self discovery with anyone. Also we could be protecting ourselves. Not everyone can come out due to their situation. We see you, you are not forgotten. Not everyone has a closet, physical or metaphorical, that they could "hide" in or come out of. We need to recognize those people in our community. We need to listen to their stories. We need to give them our help and support if they want/need it, not on our trems but on theirs.

3)When you are already a minority coming out can make you feel more isolated and and alone. There is this lie that pinkwashers perpetuate that ethic communities and certain religious communities (they usually focus on Islam) aren't accepting of queers. They use this to further their own agendas. For example Israeli pinkwashers claim that Palestine needs to be dissolved as a country and the land and people need to be under Israeli control because Israel is more progressive in LGBTQ rights and would benefit millions. When what they really want is control over what is Palestine. You can't make sweeping statements. Just like not all Christians hate queers not all *insert race, ethnicity, or religious group here* hate queers either. Most pre colonial races had a third gender option and accepted all sexualities. It was only after colonization that these genders were limited to male and female, seeing most other gender options completely erased from history. With the exception of a few races. Colonization also brought strict rules and limitations to the binary genders that still effect us today. The idea that boys are naturally more violent and girls are inherently more nurturing. Colonization also brought homophobia. These same races and civilizations are now being criticized for being homophobic by the colonizers. So even though in my personal experience as a black person has found that my specific black communities I've encountered in Chicago and at college are not accepting, I believe that some black communities are. Sometimes the Black Lives Matter community is queer accepting. Mine here in Chicago is.

4) You can be queer and also have basically physical or mental ability status. The blatant ableism that says disabled people aren't sexual beings is extremely wrong. People who become disabled do to accident or illness were sexual before why wouldn't they they now? So if you can rationalize those people as still being sexual beings why not people who are born that way? So yes disabled people can be queer. They can come out if they want.

5)Coming out maybe a constant process. You might come out just once, or you might come out a million times. People come their friends, family, work (if you want to), religious communities (if that applies), partner'sfamily (if applicable), strangers, people in your social club/org/group, neighbors, etc. You may never stop coming out. This is especially relevant to trsns people transitioning, that never want to transition, that don't "pass", gender fluid/creative people, people who identify as both genders, non binary people, agender people, or people who identify as a gender that is neither male or female ( like one of those third gender options some races still have). I have trans friends that are constantly coming out, because people are nosey and/or they get misgender and feel like correcting the person. If a server calls my trans male friend a lady he might correct them, thus outing himself. Your identity might evolve, prompting you to come out again. Coming out may never end, but that's all up to you.

6) Coming out is important for some and not for others. Never out someone. Never pressure someone to come out. Coming out is a personal choice, not for others to make. Believe people when they come out to you. How can you tell someone how they feel? Or who they are? Experience does not equal or define someone's gender or sexuality. Do not question them for proof, ask them how do they know, or ask them are they sure. Appropriate questions include: what does that word mean (though you can probably google it), how can I support you, you can ask if they want you to call them by a different name or use different pronouns (if applicable), would you like a hug, do you have a partner or crush, ask if they want safe sex stuff condoms dental dams lube latex gloves( if of age), and/or can we celebrate? You can always do your own research on their identity because Google is your friend (just stay away from suspicious looking videos), then you can ask them if you can both talk about it. I get it non queer people, their are a lot of words in the queer dictionary, but you can try to learn some. Chance are if they are just discovering themselves, they are telling they are learning too.

I've been out for 10 years now. I've changed a lot since then. I've gotten really really queer. I still do activism and I'm still learning. We create new words to describe our nuances all the time. My sexuality has evolved I still identity as bisexual but my attraction is very narrow. I like queer male identified people who are very feminine. I like fem leaning gender fluid, non binary and gender creative people. I like androgynous or gender ambiguous queer people, agender people and non binary people. I like female identified quuer people who have just a touch of masculinity. My gender identity has changed. I identify as a trans non binary fem presenting person. I also identify as kinky (dom) and polyamorous. I've changed and learned so much 13 year old me would be shocked. I am constantly coming out to almost everyone in my life except family (as usual). I think I'll continue to change, evolve, learn and thus come out. It is not as big of a deal now as when it was when I first came out to my sisters. I was really worried about being accepted the first time. I wanted the people I loved to still love me, which they did. Now being queer is my favorite and most important identity. I have found a really loving queer community who accept me. So now when I come out to people I don't care if they accept me or not because I have my communities love and support.