Skit: My community

Trigger warning: death and suicide at the very end

I don't think I've ever explained which queer community I grew up in.  In Chicago, as far as I know there are really only two queer communities with resources: The mainstream white gay one,  and the Latinx community. I have learned over the years of a black queer community but from what I know it primarily caters to over 30 or homeless youth.  I am neither of those.  I would like to say that I only ever wanted to be part of the Lantinx community but I'd be lying.  We all try to make it in the mainstream lane. Trying to do everything to be accepted.  Going to the gym, wearing the right clothes, and having the right look. Having the right look is often something money just can't buy. You have to be a certain height, have the right type of hair,  and most importantly pass the paper bag test, the only test I will continue to fail for the rest of my life.  In all honesty it's more like an eggshell test becuase a brown paper bag is still to dark for the gay community. You can be tan-ish but not ethnic in any way, shape, or form. So as I obviously fail an eggshell test I went to the Lantinx community.  I was already kind of in the Latinx community. Most of my friends were Latinx. My choosen father was Latinx, and I was involved in the HIV part because of my friend who got HIV. So I went to some events and I liked it.  They never forced me to fit into a mold, they talked about things that were effecting my friends and I, and they accepted me.  Even though I was black they said you're one of us, you belong here.  I was never an outsider there. It wasn't long before I was invited to take a leadership role in the community. I have since seen my friends make the 30 under 30 list (a list I aspire to be on one day), the LGBTQ hall of fame, find love,  be featured in articles, run their own non for profits,  start business, and thrive. The Lantinx queers raised me.  They took me in when the mainstream gays rejected me.  They built me up when the mainstream culture tried to tear me down and oppress me. They loved and vailidated me when the gays rejected me.  I've continued to work in my community becuase it's not perfect. We are really transphobic and are stuck in binary gender roles of lantin post colonial heritage.  We are still trying to assimilate instead of burn it all to the ground and start from scratch, or create our own.  I am working to make it better. This is my home. I want everyone to feel as loved and accepted as I did. Everyone should know the feeling of community.

When I went of to college I thought I would finally find the black community I missed growing up, but alas . At University of Illinois the black community is extremely homophobic. So I could go back in the closet so I would be accepted at "black house" (the African American cultural center) or I could be be queer. Guess what I choose. I was never in the closet with my friends. When I realized I liked girls I told all my friends.  I made more friends becuase I was queer. I was not about to denie that part of me to try to be part of a culture that I never felt accepted me. So I went to "la casa"( the latino/ hispanic cultural center)  instead and felt right at home again. They had a couple LGBTQ identified interns, were always trying to collaborate with the LGBTQ center,  and very welcoming. So again I found myself part of the Latinx community. I also found myself part of the Asian queer community. I really miss this and wish that I could find that community in Chicago now.  The API (Asian-Pacific Islander) queer community had so much history.  Many of these cultures pre colonialism were really queer friendly and had more than two gender options! There was so much cross over of culture and how API identified folks brought thier roots with them to the queer community. You have not lived until you have queered the Holi fest or the Moon fest. It is amazing.  It also bled over into how my friends and I did choosen family. I was adopted by a Chinese  guy. If you do family the extremely traditional way there are titles, and an order to the way you greet people plus a lot more that I don't have time to get into right now. But that's how we organized our choosen family very steeped in Chinese tradition.  Again I was accept,  they taught me about thier history, and I never had to be anyone but myself. I worked in the QAPI and the Latinx community while I was in college, helping cater to a whole student so they didn't have to choose between thier heritage and being gay like I did. 

I'm back in Chicago but I like to travel and seek out the QPOC community where ever I go. I've been on the hunt for a while now to go to black queer events in Philly, DC, and Atlanta, but as of yet no success. In DC I've managed to find the Latinx community and the API community in San Francisco. I will also subscribe to the QPOC community becuase I want to be me not someone else. 

I've noticed as I've established myself as an activist I am more accepted by mainstream gays.  I don't want to be one of them anymore though.  They didn't want me in my beginnings when I needed them now I refuse to be marginalized,  tokenized, and used. I won't fight their battles for them.  The queer movement has always been built on the backs of poor, working class, trans,  gender non binary,  fem,  people of color only to be discarded after use. They aren't being recognized or appreciated. So I don't want a flag with a black stripe and a brown stripe.  I want equity. Then we can have an inclusive flag. But I don't want to pretend or send a message that the gays have conquered racism when we are so far from it. So take your flag and write us checks instead. Pay us for the hard work that we have done for you all, that now you take for granted.  Rights we are still fighting for becuase we are not white.  Oppression we still face becuase we are people of color.  Yay you can get married, but we can't cuz we won't live long enough.  We are being murdered, deported, dying, and committing suicide. Yet we are still doing all the work to improve the queer community.  Pay us,  recognize us,  put us in positions of leadership, and listen to us. Then we can talk about a flag.