I am in love with my primary play partner. I know they know but we handle it by avoiding the elephant in the room. This is what I initially do whenever I like someone. But this time I actually have reason for pause. Lovely and I have "talked" about this twice already. We are platonic play partners and friends. We will not have romantic feelings for each other and if we do we end our kink relationship. We will cuddle, snuggle, sleep together, and kiss. We will not have sex of any kind or make out or else we end our kink relationship. That's how we defined our relationship. A while back, when I was dropping very obvious hints that I liked them, they shut that all the way down. See: Because we could all use a little more pain. So I know better. But I also see Lovely when I'm at my most vunerable. I think my feelings are part Hero syndrome, where you develope an attachment to the person who saves you. I'm in a fragile place, I'm scared to be lonely, and Lovely is super affectionate. I keep falling for the person who is nice to me when I'm hurting. Now I know if I ignore my feelings I'll get weird and the feels will eat me alive. I don't know what to say because I don't want them to like me back. I am happy we are the way we are. But I think I have to say something? I like coming to visit and being wrapped up in each other's arms. I like our kink relationship and how I'm constantly learning about them. I don't want to lose that and I'm scared. I will text them about it tomorrow because I've learned from my mistakes and I need to voice my concerns as soon as possible. They don't have the spoons to deal with it today and I have no solution to my problem. So that why it's not happening today. I want to stop falling for people who will never love me back. It's too time and energy consuming. I don't know how to get over that person other than to remove them from my life, and I don't want to let Lovely go. There has to be a better way. If I could fall out of love with Amoriartii tomorrow I would do it. If I could stop falling for Lovely every time I spend some one on one time with them I would. I do want a relationship but not at the cost of a life long friend.
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