Amoriartii has broken up with. Not saying we were ever officially together but they have end whatever we did have. There is a surprising lack of emotional reaction from me. I expected to be broken, shattered really. But I feel slightly annoyed at best. I feel like my body is in shock and just can't deal with what should feel like a huge tragedy. All my dreams and then amended dreams have been nixed. I have been cast aside by email. Yes, this exchange took place via email. I asked a simple question and somehow got dumped. I just can't believe this is happening because no one understands them like I do. We can talk with out words. We have a love that everyone can see, even our partners. Felix saw it the moment they met me me. I think it is this disbelief and shock that prevents me from reacting appropriately. I don't think I am ready to move on yet. This love has been more like an addiction and now I am suppose to quit cold turkey? I wrote a post where I knew that we were never meant to last and that I would have to let go eventually, but I was talking a couple of years from now. My biggest issues is how could they just let me go like they don't care about me at all? It all seems so easy for them to say I can't love you, I don't love you. But I know they do. Everyone but them knows they love me. Its in the way they talk to me, the way they hold me, the way they look at me. But I have agreed to this madness. I even pulled out of their life, kind of. I use to visit them every month just to see them and spend time with them. Now I will see them every six months or so just like I see all of my other out of state friends. Just like all of my other friends, but we aren't friends we never have been friends. I don't know how to just be friends with them. This is bullocks. I am just so surprised that after three years of yes, no, yes, no, maybe, okay yes, that we are back at no. And that I am not in a ball on the floor. I don't think I will handle this well by any means but so far so good, so maybe. I don't think it will hit me until I see them and can't kiss them. I can't hold them. I can't love them. Then if that happens I will proceed to fall to pieces. But we are the type of people to say one thing and then do a completely different thing. So this looks like the end but we'll see. I see them in briefly in January. If life is different I will mourn. But if things are the same I will just be very confused. I am betting on confused. Not because I don't want to hurt but I honestly can't believe it's over. How did we get here, when did we cross the bridge? When did our love become water under that bridge? (and can we please go back and pretend we didn't)
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