My heart is black, blue, and purple from you. There are so many stitches in it you can't see the orginal skin any more. Scar tissue is all that's left from poison arrows. But some how it still beats. Just for you and no one else. This is love. This is abuse. I miss you when you're gone but you hurt me when we're too close. You're the tall glass of water I need, dying of thirst. Then I fuck around and drown on just a sip. I know you wanted me to tell you when this started to hurt me and the truth is it's been hurting me from the beginning. We come so far but at what cost? Turst, honesty, integrity? I can't even be honest with you when I'm completely gone. I don't remember what I said but I know it was nothing of consequence. Choking and always at a lost of words around you, which is unbelievable because you are so easy for me to talk to about everything else. I look at you the way Barack looks at Michelle, and I just want you to look at me the Biden looks at Obama but I can't even get that close. I guess I have to stop loving who I want you to be and love you for the stabs in the dark that sometimes miss my heart and manage to somehow hurt more. I've loved you through it all and I know that doesn't count for anything but I wish it meant something to you. I wish I meant something to you. You can say I do but you never show it. You know I would jump off a cliff for you without you even having to ask. Your kisses make my heart skip a beat. Your love makes my heart want to stop beating. I don't think I can continue. Not because I don't love you but you will never love me. I don't want to wake up feeling used. I don't want to be like everyone else. Fun for a moment, friends if you have the time, acquaintances if they're lucky. I don't want to have to burn this bridge for I've never met anyone like you and I doubt I ever will. But it is literally this love or my life. I can't love anyone else while I'm in love with you. I've tried but I've only gotten comfortable and that's not love. I can't let anyone love me while I am over here wondering if you will ever let your feelings for me be. At the same time watching you complicate the love of your life something that you don't want. If you wanted me too you could have just said so. Now is not the time. I feel like a lust filled fantasy that you won't want once you have. You look at Felix like you've never seen a person before. I watch you marvel at him and I die. Not because of jealousy but for the simple reason that you've never seen me. He can have the spotlight I just want to be noticed every once in awhile. You turn to him when your hurting even when he's not there and I am. I can't blame you for having your walls I have mine too. My walls keep me from saying these words to you. They hold my tears back. They force a smile but mine don't lie. I know this has to end but it will be years before I build the strength to leave you. Even through it all, in the thick of it your so important to me and I'm attached. Do me a favor if you love like you say do let me go I can't leave on my own. If you wake up and realize you don't care and you just been toying with me let me go. If you see anything at all, see all the pain that this has caused me. This is killing me. I'm drowning and I keep weighing myself down and getting deeper. I know you might care but you really don't give a dam about me if you haven't noticed I've been slowly drowning in my love for you.
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