An important letter to Amoriatii

An adaptation:
Amoriatii,
     This is so hard for me to write because I've been avoiding bringing this question to you for so long. Is this relationship healthy and is it working for us? I know we said we would stop if it starts to hurt one of us, but the truth is I don't want to stop. I am desperately holding on to hope for a future for us. I know I don't know the answer to either of those questions and that is scary. Or maybe I do know the answer and because I don't like it, I refuse to acknowledge it. Either way it pains me to question our relationship. I question it because I want more. Because I have lost trust in you. Because the odds are not in our favor. I have sat for three years by your side loving you quietly and passively. I could have continued to do so for the rest of my life. But you brought your feelings to me, and I am glad you did, and my world changed. Suddenly there was a chance. You inadvertently gave me hope. In the past all I had were evanescent moments of bliss followed by hurt and heartbreak. In the past, I have never talked to you about feeling hurt. I just push you away and don't talk to you. Then after awhile you apologize, sometimes not knowing what to even be sorry for, and we move on like nothing has happened. That is my fault. That has to change. I need to talk about all of my feelings with you. The good the bad and the ugly. The emotional manipulation also has to stop. It hasn't happened lately, but I can't allow it to happen in the future. You know I love you and you can't take advantage of that. That's not okay because it leaves me feeling used. If we can both change I will do whatever I can to save this relationship. I love you Amoriatii and this relationship is a priority in my life. But if it's not good for my recovery I will have to let you go. That will break my heart, but I need to do what's best for me and I know you will support that.
xoxoxoxoxoxo,

J. Skittles