Skit: I wish was Aromantic

Here we go again. Why does this always happen when I have a lot of work to do. Only when I have to focus on school does my heart kick in and become the biggest distraction. I keep repeating to myself I don't need you, I don't need you, I don't need you. Hoping that if I say it enough it will magically be true. I don't need you but I want you. What is so wrong with not loving anybody. I do better on my own anyway. I get more done. Its not like I have the time. It is true I am not as busy as I once was but it's because everything takes longer when your depressed. Also I am depressed. I can't handle all of these feelings.
Its just making pace and stress for no reason. I need to stick to the plan I don't have room for all this extra. Plus you live far away in a completely different time zone. The time is always wrong. I mean its great and all that we get along, that with out words we understand. It is even slightly amusing that we share so much, even a shoe size.  I must admit its a very tempting offer. But I can't. There is too much uncertainty and too much needed from me. In all honesty I am scared. I can't open myself up like that and be shot down. I would hate you for life. I don't want to hate you. I also don't want to love you. Why can't we just be friends? Are we to similar? Your smile, eyes, laugh it feels like I've know them all my life. Maybe because they remind me of my own. Your compassion is like mine. We even think along the same lines.  But all that a side I can not be swayed in to fall for you. Okay admitting that I have fallen for you. At least out loud I won't say I'm in love