it isn't bad enough that i need you in ways a can't explain and that other people can't understand. it is dam near disgraceful how much i trust you. you already know you know way to much. our friendship just isn't something quantitatively comprehensible. the system in which the two of us do more than co-exist, we help facilitate the others existence contains many other complex moving systems and parts. up to this point it has been a purely platonic relationship and could argue that it could stay that way as our relationship continues to progress and grow. but we are both to sexual for that. i mean when you put two highly sexual people in the same room.... together....... alone.......i am just surprised at our particular out come because it seems highly atypical that's all. i mean we have been best friends for a very short time because we haven't known each other for that long. but that doesn't seem to make us any less than best friends. we still have way to much fun with the simplest things than should be humanly possible. you still can't wait to tell me things and i diffidently can't wait to tell you. (they are the only one of my friends i have shared my blog with)
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for those of you how aren't my best friend and are going to wonder why would you right this if they can read it. well one they are my best friend i already had a talk with them before i made this view able this is just all my before thoughts that may or may not be fallowed by after thoughts depending when or if i actually tell my best friend or not. two they probably knew before i said something or before i even finished writing this. see the problem is no matter how i try to hide or conceal they can read me like and open book. thus most of the time there is no point in trying to hide things from them. third and this is more for them than you guys the feels that i now realize i feel are eating me alive. like i can't just be content anymore. i want to be with them if i can. if i can't cool but if i could or should be with you i won't be happy doing anything else. as you can see i should be doing math homework but i am writing this cuz i am so distracted. GRAHHHHH!!!!!!!!
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we are best friends who happen to be really attached to one another. i am almost angry that i have come to the realization that i love you. because what was simple and true is now much more involved and complex not to say it wasn't already but it wasn't to us. to other people our relationship is strange but what do we care cuz it works for us. but now idk if it will still work. because the reason why it worked is there was an open dialogue between us. no secretes. we didn't keep things from each other. we would tell everything if given the time to come to terms. but i can't come to terms with loving them. loving them just isn't something i should do. its not something that should be happening. and i can't tell them about it. and i dam sure can't tell anyone else. i think this would be the one thing we would dance around. but they have to know, and they have to know that i know they know. but i really want to know is have they realized as well. i guess if i have to ask the answer is no. i don't know if they'll ever know the clarity of thing that i do. to one day be able to wake up look back on their life and look at where they are now and go i am in love with her. but i don't know if i want them to realize or not. because its hard. its really hard loving them and trying not too ......
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