skit: the truth about october

October is coming out month and it is all about being you ( and i think it is just so ironic that halloween is at the end of this month. if there was ever a holiday about not being yourslef but i digrees) I focus on being you a lot and I really don't go into the details about that. Last post I talked about being honest with you and how that’s really difficult and I didn't really talk about the details of that either. details details details. So many words so little space. Well to be yourself you have to be honest with yourself. But honesty is really hard sometimes. Actually it really hard most of the time. I mean if it wasn't so difficult our society and way of life won't value it so highly. It wouldn’t be so important to everyone. Everybody wants the truth because it is so rare that you get and it even rarer that you can handle it when it’s told to you. When the truth is out there you can never take it back. For example like me like this other blogger (inferno) and I can't tell him I like him. It’s kind of silly actually.  But I can't do it cuz we are friends and if he doesn't feel the same way things will be weird. The truth is I would rather suffer in silence than tell him how I feel because of the possibility that things could get weird. And if you can't even tell someone else the truth then how can you tell yourself.  And the funny thing is, it's you so you already know but you’re still lying anyway. What you’re really doing is running form the effect or stopping it from happening at all. But the truth is still there. And you haven't really told yourself the truth unless you have accepted it and allowed the effects of that truth to take place. Anything else is lying. But it is so much easier to lie. Until you find yourself up one night or alone in your house one day and you just can't get the truth out of your head. Until you can't get out of your own head. Then you’re trapped and you have three options tell the truth, smother and hide the truth in some dark place of your mind where you hope you will never find it again ( but you will), or kill the truth go completely mental and deny the truth until the end. ( I am not insulting any type of mental condition because mental health is serious stuff but I know if you kill the truth you do eventually "crack") so do yourself a favor pick the first one it is always the best option ( that’s why I listed it first) even when it doesn't look like it is. And I know I did a whole post on lying and I am not talking about that kind of stuff. Serious things that make a person who they are. Like sexuality. I am talking about life changing events good and bad ( not going to talk about it use your imagination) I am talking about when you can look in the mirror and you honestly don't know who you are anymore. I mean you know it’s you and life you live it, but that life your living isn't yours or it shouldn't be.  Like for me it is something stupid. I wake up every day and I go to class and I go to work. I talk to my roommates, classmates, "friends", and professors.  I eat I do my work and I go to sleep (I sleep sometimes out of need) but this isn't my life. I shouldn't be here. I am wasting the university's money and it could be going to someone who should be here. Who wants to be here. I honestly don't belong here. I belong in Michigan (in a college that is a 2 hour canoe ride from Canada) I hate snow and I hate the cold but I love it up there. I belong there. I feel at peace there and I can't explain why or how but I know that’s where I should be right now. They are getting snow on Wednesday and I was going to be vice president of the cacao club. I knew where I was going to live I made friends. I was going to set a world record. and on nights like this when I was having a rough time instead of being on my balcony staring pointlessly into the oblivion I would be canoeing across a river hiking up a ski hill and looking out onto the prettiest scenery I have ever seen in my life. And I would feel better. I would sit there and put myself back together because I would know where all the pieces go. ( lol there would be less truth to swallow). October is coming out month it’s be yourself month. It’s know yourself month. It’s putting all the pieces were they go month and being able to see the picture month. Its tell yourself the truth month.  skillet